I downloaded Thanksgiving photos this morning, and these were the first three of Sam:

I'm not happy, mom!

I feel and look like an old man here

Uh Oh the world is not a safe place.

I wondered a little at Sam's brief existence in the world from these three pictures.  He looks uncertain, apprehensive and bewildered.  Luckily, if we tell much of a person's existence from the brief millisecond in which a picture is taken, the rest of the pictures represented a different Sam.

exuberant satisfaction with the level of entertainment he's experiencing

singing and clapping much of the day

his shirt is an accurate reflection of his outlook on approach to life

and finally, a little meditative, humming action

I must have really caught him on a bad time of day with the first three pictures.  Of course, I just realized some of the doozies of pictures Ryan and the girls have taken of me might suggest I am certifiably odd.  Perhaps for fun Ill dig some up. Unfortunately, I don't have to dig, they appear in each batch of pictures.

 I had another fabulous conversation with Ella.  She has really laments having a boy named Charlie sit next to her in Kindergarten.  I haven't decided whether Ella is sitting by a bully in the making, or whether she likes the attention, but every day when she comes home, she usually mentions what Charlie did that day in negative terms:  he called me "hairy chest", he made fun of my snack (apple),  he budged in front of me, but most of all I heard- he stepped on my foot and hurt my blister.  I have no idea whether he did this several times a week, or whether it was so traumatic that Ella brought it up often.

Nevertheless, we were driving somewhere when a raucous laughter from the backseat prompted me to ask Ella what was so funny.  Giggling, she told me, "I stepped hard on chawwie's foot today in the hallway, and it huwt so bad he's afwaid of me now".  "Did he tell the teacher"? Madeline asked.  "No, he would have gone to the back of the line if he talked in the hallway, that's a vewy important wule- no talking in the hallway" (giggle, giggle, giggle)"Now, he's vewy afwaid of me" (giggle, giggle, giggle).

Later, I asked Ella to tell Ryan the story, and he asked her if she thought of it earlier at school or if she just thought of it then.  "I thought of it at home, and planned it at home before school".  She confirmed this was a case of premeditated stepping on a foot at a time when teacher could not intervene.   The good thing is that she no longer feels like Chawlie has control over her.

Candy and Costumes

Hello Girls!

Fireman Max

Hi Boys.

It's work trying to take a picture of four kids, especially when Fireman won't wear his hat, and bat nosedives off the chair when I move out of range.

I think this when I came up for air after diving for Sam, who dove off the chair.  

Big Sisters............

are the crabgrass in the lawn of life (Charles M.Shultz).

October 12 was Ella'a birthday.  Madeline can sometimes feel sensitive on this day, both dismay and joy dot her canvas as she paints the day.  So as the day came, I was thinking of both girls, and how to help Madeline make this day a good day for Ella.

I realized at 7 am what a task I would have, as Madeline began the first of many, "That's not fair"s.  I made a bargain with myself to focus on Ella and give Madeline some leeway, as she had her breakdowns.

 Ella embraced the day with her usual enthusiasm and joy, which make a birthday so fun. (For an activity she had chosen to go swimming at the YMCA on Saturday).  I gave her the day off from chores- which is always an exciting proposition- maybe on my birthday someone will give me that gift:)  For breakfast, she choose waffles.  She was excited to take oreos to her classmates, and to go on a field-trip on her birthday.  

After school, we went to the dollar store, where she told anyone who looked at her that she was now 6 years old.  Then it was off to violin, and she could barely wait to get inside the door before she burst out to her teacher that it was her birthday.  Her teacher played Happy Birthday on her violin while Ella looked on in shear joy.  She expression on her face was priceless- she thought that was so great.

A serendipitous mistake at work had Ryan home by six, as opposed to the normal 7-8 these days, so we partied with silly string, and a Jack O Lantern birthday cake, followed by presents. 

By far, the best part of the day were the gifts on Madeline's part.  A kind birthday card that communicated the true joy she felt for her sister, sometimes obscured by conflicted feelings, and her "Come on Sis, let's go ride our scooters" when Ella opened her new scooter (which she had been wanting for some time to be like Madeline and our other neighbors). 

 I was grateful I didn't complicate the day by communicating frustration towards Madeline when she also took the day off from chores and violin.  The dishwasher waited all day long for her (until Ryan unwittingly emptied it), I cleaned her room, and even her pull-up.  I gave her many hugs as she expressed her dismay that Ella got better presents and had more nice things from us.  In the end, she was able to express her love towards her sister and that was a gift for both of them.

Happy Birthday Ella.  Welcome to age 6- I hope it treats you as well as you expect it to, and deserve.

what we've been up to...........

Enjoying the last warm weather.  Every day it's nice, I feel obligated to participate outside since you never know here if it's the last nice day.  

A circle is complete

September 16th found me awake at 5:00 with Sam.  I can't complain on his birthday, especially since I've been sleeping well for a few months now.  After he was taken care of, I left him to clean the toilet while Ryan took a shower, and I went on a run.

 Running after childbirth is my act of triumph and reproach towards the idea of childbearing/rearing stealing everything from a woman.  I went on the same loop I walked the night I had Sam.  This time I ran, powerful and strong, remembering that  I year ago, I pumped my pregnant body up and down that hill through contractions--powerful and strong in quiet a different way.

 As I ran and watched the sun come up, I thought of the work that brought Sam into his first year of life, and how much stronger it made me.  (Thank you Sam, and please stop going down the stairs head-first.)

Some of my favorite things about Sam:  how everything he eats goes through his hair first, his bald patches on top of his head from his first and second haircuts given by big brother (whose own hair is too short to cut),  how he practices going down any and all stairs head first, and is now very successful at it (Tonight he threw our pillows off our bed and then dove headfirst off our bed onto the pillows), how fast he crawls, how excited he is to see me, or Ryan or the kids, how he can manage to get under the car with a ball faster than I can run after him, and manage to get to the very middle of the underneath so I have to crawl under after him, his ready grin.

Sweet Baby.